Apologies and how to give them

“Sorry is hardest to say when it matters most.” ― Ebehi Iyoha

“Sorry” cannot change the past but can change the future.” ― Sladjana Savić

An apology is an expression of remorse for something you’ve done wrong, and occasionally a request for forgiveness. Apologizing for a mistake might seem like an impossible task, but you can get through it by swallowing your pride and putting your best foot forward. As a mother, I have raised my son to give apologies as opposed to simply saying “I’m sorry”. Those are empty words. There is no ownership of the wrong doing; even if you feel as though you’ve done nothing wrong.

In any of our relationships, we are always trying to avoid a fight or the “I’m sorry” stage. Truth be told, life is not perfect and there will always be things to disagree about. The ultimate goal should be open and honest communication, to not have anything to fight about to begin with. That is easier said than done. It takes two people of like minds to have that level of honesty. This is a compatibility factor that most people overlook when choosing a partner for a relationship. Additionally—Not understanding how the other person in the relationship communicates, expresses their self, and gives & receives love causes fights.

Sure he/she likes kayaking too, but are they going to lose their shit every time you have to cancel a date, stay late at work and skip the game or make time for family despite a heavy work load.

It’s okay to be an asshole so long as there is truth behind it

I firmly believe that. Anyone friend or client who knows me knows that they will get the cold hard truth if they ask my opinion. I can and have apologized for my words being hurtful when I am blunt, but my apology is never that I am sorry that I said it. “I am sorry that you feel that way, but what kind of friend would I be if I gave you a bullshit answer and candy-coated it to avoid hurting your feelings”.

Your job as someone’s friend, spouse, lover, etc.. is to be their cheerleader, but not to their detriment. You fail them and yourself when you take the easy way out with “I’m sorry”. (The better option is to choose people more appropriate to your emotional IQ) I will admit that an apology after the fact is far less difficult than asking for permission to do wrong to begin with, in some situations.

When we want to do something that could possibly affect another person, a part of us feels the need to ask that party for their approval. Stop before you do that. Are you asking for permission to circumvent future guilt or do you really want their opinion? If you choose wisely in these relationships, you will want their opinion. If you choose poorly, you will want to avoid the approval process at all costs. One bad choice leads to another and another and another. Next thing you know, you are fighting about who fed the cat or why your business is failing. In reality you are pissed that they don’t support your struggles or passions and they’re mad because they feel neglected or left in the dark.