There will be adversity in leaving or being left in a marriage, but I believe that a woman who thrives in a post-divorce world charts her own path. She let’s that path reveal itself to her and rises up to the journey fearlessly. She connects loves herself in all of her imperfection and surrounds herself with savvy people.

This time in her life is about taking her from simply surviving…..to thriving. She is capable and deserving of an amazing life. She is capable of seeing the light of day and never feeling held down by something that is out of her control.

Post-divorce is a time of redefining her Big Life Mission. Positive, lasting change occurs when we make a choice to love ourselves, embrace the “imperfectness” of our human form and go forth fearlessly anyway.

Step one

Ground zero

The “restart button”

Whatever you want to call it ALWAYS starts with her.

Women are famous for martyring themselves and being the sacrificial lamb to everyone else’s needs before their own. And when they have to start over, when a marriage fails….that mindset of “lamb” mourns the loss of that title.

It’s an identity crisis!

Wife, mom, care giver — what does she do now? Who the hell IS she?

In starting over from a place of not being overwhelmed by this massive change—her soul identity is the only “title” she needs concern herself with.

That is her soul’s purpose, her calling, her Big Life Mission.

Dive deep into that place and the answers always come. If you are there…… post-divorce…. needing clarity as to what your Big Life Mission is….or simply stuck in a place that keeps you going back to the “shouldas” like it’s a blankie…..now is a very important time to reflect.

Part of living a free and fearless life is writing your own happy ending. The story of you, as told by you—and only you can determine how the story goes and the energy that flows into it.
So what does that energy say?

Do you sabotage your own progress or do you cast fear aside for a better beginning? Do you live for you, today and every day—no apologies no mask no looking back?

Now is a time to let go of your “wife” title. Realize that the label is not who you are at your core. It’s the loss of an “identity” not the death of your soul. You are so much more than that. You are a person with hopes, desires and dreams, right? I realize that some of that ambition may have been set aside during your marriage.

I have been there and I didn’t think I would say “I don’t” one day either.
Starting over can be a frustrating and dark place. Firstly, you need to set the intention to take care of YOU first. This helps you to go a little easier on yourself and nourish your soul while you lick your wounds.

Then think about what lights you up and how you can use that as a catalyst in your post-divorce world. What are you passionate about? Those passions or long forgot hobbies could be a new business idea or a way to make amazing friends. You could turn it into a blog or better yet, your battle cry.

Lastly, be a goal digger. Write it out and own how it feels to be capable and deserving of attaining all that you desire. If any doubt surfaces when putting it on paper, stop and write three to five reasons why your doubt is untrue. Keep in mind the energy you are putting into these words. Think bigger than you have ever thought before and infuse that piece of paper with the audacity to picture an outcome beyond anything you have ever imagined. Be daring and willing to challenge you. Be fearless and free!

This article originally appeared in The Huffington Post Divorce Section

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